I am one sad, hurt, angry, bitter, miserable woman.
Yesterday, while standing at the top of a ladder trying not to electrocute myself while I worked on a broken fan in the house for sale, my realtor called to tell me the buyers bailed on us. They had a valid excuse, since the contract said if the repairs were more than $2,500 they could walk, and boy, were the repairs more than that. But what makes me so mad, besides all the awful turmoil they put us through and that they get to keep their earnest money, is that they tried to lie and say we weren't going to do the repairs. They never gave us a chance to respond to their repair request!
On top of this I'm thoroughly hating being an FRG leader when there are people in it who hate me and spread lies about me and generally cause me trouble. I've done nothing to deserve this and am certainly not getting anything out of volunteering in this position to put up with this crap. I'm doing it for my husband and the ladies who DO want to be in a valid, functioning FRG.
I'm tired of needing money and having to spend it whether I have it or not - home repairs, vet bills, impending adoption....
I'm tired of my argumentative, whiny, spoiled son and the terrible mother I can be when I can't take it anymore.
I'm tired of this deployment. I miss my husband's voice, his presence on the couch at night, his ability to help me with Sam. I'm tired of having no one to take care of me when I'm sick, no one to handle ANYTHING but me. I hate that all I want to do anymore is hole up in my house and never leave. I don't want to talk to anyone, deal with any of this anymore.
I'm done.
And I keep turning to my faith and wondering how much more am I going to be put through and for what purpose? Is this not enough? Is there more? I know it can get worse, I know it can get much worse, like losing my husband. But I don't know if I can handle any more. I've been fighting for six months to not let any of the obnoxious things, the financially painful things, the physically exhausting things, the emotionally traumatic things get me down. I'm tired, I don't have much left in me, and yet it keeps getting worse instead of better. I'm praying for protection because I just don't know what else to do.
I need to sell my house. I need to not suffer any more loss. I need people to get off my back and leave me alone. I need my husband home.
Okay, pity party over. You can take the party favors home.
6 comments:
Yeah, I'm thinking the verbal punches are gonna come flying out of my mouth at our "lovely" FRG sometime this week.
You (no one, really) deserves to be treated the way some of those "ladies" are treating you. It's petty, childish and just plain mean and stupid. If you ever want to throw in the towel in a blaze of glory... I'll be your wingman!!!!
And I'm so sorry about the buyers. What a load of crap.
Hang in there, we are all apparently having our meltdowns lately. We need a coffee date!
Love ya Kathie!!!
Dangit Kathie! I feel just awful the way those idiots treated you over the house, ASSHATS! I agree with Kryste, COFFEE SOON!
Tuesday afternoon? Wed morning? Thurs? I'm open ladies! Bring on the brew!
Even though it sucks for you right now, you need to stop and think of all the amazing things you do have. Their are families out there living in their cars and homeless shelters because they got laid off. You have a son that you fought for and finally got. Their are women that have lost their children or were never able to have any. We all need our self pitying moments, but you have to stop and look at how amazingly blessed you are. Besides, life would be boring if everything went the way we planned :) Cheer up sis, you are loved by a lot people, and thats pretty awesome.
I can't say anything more encouraging than these wonderful young women have already said, except let me know when you REALLY need me!
Love you lots, Mom
I was never married to a military man, but to a traveling man from M-F and sometimes over the weekend. We lived in a rural community 30 miles from grocery stores, doctors,dry cleaners, and shopping centers. We had 3 children, a roof that leaked on my expensive furniture and lived too far for any roofing repairman to come to just give an estimate, so had to make on-the-spot decisions. No one liked us because we worked for GE and lived in a paper mill community. Our children were in the minority in a poor school district, and on and on it went. So, I kinda understand where you're coming from, as I got despondent and unhappy, and felt all alone, as my closest family was 200 miles away. I prayed a lot, and God brought to memory His Word that says (paraphrased) "we are to be CONTENT wherever we are". He didn't say "deliriously happy", just be content. That helped and things either got better or I handled them better. Probably the latter. And He kept us there 6 yrs, the longest we'd stayed anywhere. Guess it was so I could get a hold of myself. So, please remember you're not really ever completely alone, and when you're down, look up, for that's where your strength will come from. Love you dearly. Mrs. A.
Oh, and I'll be happy to take Sam for a couple days!!!
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