It's amazing how much our babies grow in the first few years of life.
It's also amazing how quickly they turn from innocent babies into manipulative toddlers.
My most often used tool for dealing with his temper tantrums is time-out. I use it not so much as punishment, but as as a chance for him to "chill out" and get back control of his crazy toddler emotions. It worked like a charm up until about last week when he started "faking" everything from tears to boo-boos to manipulate me into holding him instead of making him sit in time-out.
The first time I fell for it. He shed real tears, stuck out his bottom lip and reached his arms out to me - "Mommy!" How could I resist? I truly love my son and would never deny him affection or comfort when he needs it. But the minute I wrapped my arms around him, the tears ceased, the lip was sucked back in and that look of triumph was in his eyes - he had escaped time-out and was free to go about his toddler business.
I vowed never again and now it has been a really rough week. It escalated as well, to throwing himself onto the floor so he would get a "boo-boo" and then try and use that to get me to hold him and get him out of time-out.
So today was the battle to end all battles (I hope). It took about 15 minutes of putting him back into time-out again and again, refusing to look at him or respond to his tears and calls, and even a couple spankings. But eventually, he calmed down, stopped crying, and sat quietly until his two minutes were up. That's all I ask.
During this whole drama I couldn't help but cry myself, not because I pity my son but because I pity myself. He broke my heart and it makes me so mad. I can't believe my little baby could use my love for him against me.
I know many a parent out there will tell me this is not only normal, but just the beginning.
For the record - I'm SO SORRY Mom and Dad!
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6 comments:
You were forgiven LONG ago, my precious daughter!!
Love you lots!
Mom & Dad
Ditto,
Dad
Good thing you are not in Arizona. Out here our kids would melt to the pavement if they threw a fit! Tantrum days can be wretched. Felix was the one to push me over the edge. The toddler emotional roller coaster is a brutal one. It is so hard to not take a ride on it as the adult. Kids can recover within 15 min of a stressful situation. It takes adults 4+ hours. I often find it difficult not to be offended and hurt when the kids have a bad day. Offense only drives a wedge into a relationship though. I try to find my best poker face and not give the reaction they seek. I remember a good day was one where Felix only threw one fit. It truly does get better, somewhere around 3yrs they are quite sweet and 4 1/2 is a lovely age. It's just keeping them alive and our own sanity that's the hard part.
Love,
Des
Someday our kids will apologize!!!
Just for the record... boys are mean. My kids made me totally lose it the other day, and Ronin now uses what I said " You've made me sad" against ME. Lovely
Tough love is just that--tough--and I'm afraid it starts early. Our little sweetheart is looking for his boundaries, and hard as it seems, you must be 1) in the driver's seat from the get-go, and 2) consistent. He'll learn soon what he can and cannot get by with and you BOTH will be happier for it. He knows you love him and deep down somewhere he knows because you do, you discipline. Love you. Mrs. A.
Elijah hasnt done that in a long time, he is finding more creative ways around it since he is getting older. However, tonight tho at bed time he completely went banana sandwhich crazy on me, and I was just stunned with the entire inceident, which then resulted in a bare butt spanking after about 4 minutes of incredible dramatized fit throwing on his part. All this began because he refused to say "please" after I had asked him nicely to do so when asking for something (which he is normally very good at). Not sure what the issue was. Next time tho....Im going to let mom handle it, she is so much better than I am with handling pity :)
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